Release Yourself From the Victim Mentality

Life seems so unfair, not knowing why we are in the place we are, we may often to turn to others in our own self pity, complaining about our victim-hood. Our boyfriend just doesn't pay attention to us as much as we would like him too. Our sister took off with our car and smashed it up. Our boss fired us without any explanation. There are various scenarios that happen in our lives. We may get very low, depressed, internalize someones comments about us and take them personally.

Victim-hood is never good, as we dwell on past memories that are long gone, and most likely we can never relive them again. We only have today, and if we are playing the victim we never move forward getting stuck in one place. It is easy to get focused on all the obstacles in our lives, and we make mountains out of mole hills. We look at everything negative going on in our lives, thinking that in the future it will always be the same way. Why bother working hard for a relationship, or job, or school, when it will never get better. Nothing will ever change.

A spiritual teacher once said to me,"I am here to co-create, or create with you." She could not have been more direct with me. I could dwell on all my obstacles, or create something new alone, or with her. At times we want to be a victim and look at all our obstacles, feel sorry for ourselves, make every excuse up why we are not moving forward and taking responsibility for our lives in the moment. It was words that I heard as well as words that were very hard to swallow. I was making up excuses, I wasn't taking responsibility for my life, or taking action to be creative making the best life I could in the moment. My obstacles didn't define me, or stop me from succeeding. It was me making a choice of being in that victim mentality.

Of course I can always find someone that will agree, listen to all my problems, and make more excuses for me. We create negativity in our minds, focusing on all the negative aspects of life. We can remember the family members that abused us one way or another, The partners that were never there, the friends that let us down, or disappointed us. We can have a river of tears flooding our minds with endless clutter about how unlovable we are, yet this is not the truth. We make up so many lies about ourselves and other people. We self talk our way into victim hood. We probably do it once daily. It's almost like an addiction, and we get our fix on loathing, complaining, feeling sorry for ourselves.

When we talk to our friends we drain them of their energy, we expect them to fix our problems, make it all better, sooth our broken hearts, and mend our wounds. Truthfully they can not do anything for us. Yes they can listen to us, but realistically about the fifth time they've heard you tell the same story, they want to regurgitate it. They feel bad for you, but at the same time they realise you aren't doing much for yourself to get out of the situation.

Being the victim you are searching for empathy, sympathy, understanding towards your circumstances. If you need to discuss your feelings about something, it is correct to express them probably one time, but to sit for months endlessly over the same subject matter, you need to understand it is your responsibility to let go of it, do something about it, and move on with your life.

For example if your boyfriend left you for another girlfriend, than understand that your feelings are valid, but if it's 6 months later, understand it wasn't meant to be, go out and find some friends to hang around, meet some new guys, focus on something more positive and fulfilling for your life. Dwelling on what you used to be, how it felt, what it looked like, yet it was a very nice moment in time, but it is no longer valid, or a part of your life anymore.

Today is the moment you are living in, what is in front of you now is, what you should be concerned with. We have the ability to live in victim-hood, or create a better way of living in this moment, finding activities, hobbies, participating in events, socializing, laughing, playing, and working.

What you do today, has an impact on what happens tomorrow. If your dwelling on the past, thinking the future will be the same way, than you created today what you thought would happen. A relationship may have been crappy in your past, maybe more than one has been that way, but the next one could be the best one of your life. If you think positively about it, create it to be a good one, than most likely that relationship will produce good fruit.

We usually end up with a negative or positive result by how much hard work and time we want to invest in the matter. If we don't want to put the effort into it, of course we will fail, and it will be very negative. If we have the intention that we will work hard at something we will benefit from it and succeed. It is all your frame of mind. What you tell yourself daily either creates something positive or negative.

Its easy to play the victim, it doesn't take much effort. Not being the victim takes work, because you have to figure out why you enjoy the self-pity, feeling sorry for yourself, and the excuses why you don't feel you deserved to be loved, or a live a more positive life. It takes effort to change your lifestyle, the friends you surround yourself with, the books you read, the music you listen to, you choose to pump in your mind what you want to focus on, and what kind of person you want to be. If you are busy putting negative things in your mind, hanging around negative people, entering negative relationships, you end up with the same solution, negativity.

You become what you surround yourself with, what your mind is focused on is the end result, and what you believe about your life and yourself produces the outcome. Victim-hood only prohibits you from living a healthy and happy life. Of course misery loves company, it is easy to live there, but not really enjoyable, or blissful people don't want to be around depressing individuals. It feels so much better not being in the victim-hood, we may have to take responsibility for our lives, but we also get rewarded by being our best selves, and creating something positive in the world. We have more love to give as well as share with loving friends who like to have fun and play. Life becomes much more enjoyable once you decide you don't want to play the victim anymore.

All rights reserved Hattiemattiemae Spiritweaver April 6, 2011