Our Bitter Sweet Enemy, Jealousy
68Jealousy is a bitter sweet enemy of our inner being. We want to find our worth in another persons love for us.
Only our worth is not in another person but within ourselves.
There will always be other people in our lives whether they are friends or partners.
Some how we have learned to compare ourselves with others whether they are female or male, we want to be accepted and loved.
Jealousy can strike us inside relationships at any time.
1)Friends that are close to us may feel we won't have time for them anymore.
2) Friends may feel like they are not a priority in our lives anymore because you met some one new.
3) Partners may feel that if you pay attention to anyone but them they won't be the most important person in their lives.
We have to learn in these situations that we are still loved whether new people enter our lives or our friends, or partners lives.
We have to learn to share in relationships and not feel inferior to someone else.
We have to learn that even if there are other people in our lives, or partners lives, or new friends on either part, no matter what type of relationship it is with girlfriends, or boyfriends, that there is no reason for us to feel threatened, or that we are losing someone in our lives.
Often we cause what most people call drama, because we are afraid of losing someone close to us.
We sometimes start fights with another person because we want to make sure we are still noticed and loved. We try to set boundaries for our friendships.
At the same time we tend to manipulate and control the other person or outcome.
If we learn to accept each person and know we are loved no matter the circumstances, or what it looks like, or feels like than we understand the value of the friendship.
We don't push others away because we are coming on to strong trying to tell them what to do.
No one likes being caught between people they love, and shouldn't have to make choices between those they love as friends.
For intimate relationships this is quite difficult.
We want to be the most important person in a man or woman's life.
We don't want any other lover in the relationship. Fortunately everyone has different tastes and different perceptions of what a relationship should like.
It is important from the start to be clear about what it is you want in a relationship with someone. If they choose to have more than one intimate partner, than you must understand if you only choose to have one, this won't work.
You have a choice to accept your partner as he is, or move on to someone more compatable with your views, values, morals, and goals.
Healthy relationships is understanding that even if someone chooses to be with more than one person, most of the time they can love more than one person in different ways.
Yet we try to base our worth on this. It has nothing to do with our worth. It is just someone else's preference.
It doesn't make us less of a person because they choose to love more than once person.
We might not agree with it, or understand it, but we must leave them in the place they choose to be and relationships they choose to encounter.
If it hurts us and is troubling to us because we choose to be with one person, than we must leave that relationship to find a healthier one for us that suits us.
Relationships do become complicated when you have more than one partner. Jealousy can be a very vindictive enemy, and can bring out the worst in any of us.
Most people do not like having a divided heart between two partners, and it makes them emotionally upset.
It can reek havoc on a persons mind because the images it creates in the mind.
It also breaks trust, and stability in a relationship.
For most this is not a healthy place to be.
We are not super human and comes down to us having expectations of other people to meet our own desires and self gratification.
It is more of a selfish ego based reality, and not to giving or selfless for a person that is wanting a give and take relationship that is mutual and in a safe place.
Selfless love means laying down the selfishness for another human being and realising they deserved to be respected and their wishes to have a faithful relationship should be honored.
If you feel you can not participate in a faithful relationship you should not be in this type of relationship to begin with.
No one likes their emotions and feelings ran over. They do not like to be hurt on purpose because someone chooses to live a life with multiple partners without being given the choice whether they want to participate in it or not.
Always be honest and give the person the choice to be in your life, and if they choose not to because you feel the need for more than one partner, than let them be free to find the relationship that they to desire to have and feel the need to experience.
We should create the relationships we choose to with our own beliefs, values, and norms without being harmed.
We cause jealousy and pain in others when we expect them to be who we would like them to be, or impose our ideals on them whether it is multiple partners, or one on one.
Lying, hiding, not taking responsibility causes jealousy and harm in relationships.
Fear can not get in the way of being honest with yourself and others.
We all have a responsibility to others and how we affect their lives. What we think is good for us, might not be good for them, and we shouldn't expect them to participate in something that makes them feel worthless and miserable.
It is better to end the relationship and move on than keep harming someone for your own self gratification.
Find someone that agrees with your views and relationships and that your not harming.
This does not make us unloved, but loved because we take the time to be true to ourselves and others without harming ourselves and others.
Jealousy breeds anger, hate, and bitterness.
We are creators of it in our relationships with others. They create it as well by they way they respond, or react to it.
It's time to stop jealousy by not comparing yourself to another person.
We are all unique, beautiful, masculine, in our own way. No one is like us in anyway.
We have a perspective or our own for the world to see, hear, and feel. We have our own rhythm, ambiance, essence or our own being.
It is important to understand your own self worth, own self love, and respect for you.
No one can do this for you.
Demanding a friends attention will not get you that attention, but only push them away.
No one likes to be demanded to be who you would like them to be in the moment.
Complaining about other people in their lives is not going to stop the relationships.
We all have a purpose for being in each others lives.
We judge others by our feelings, and selfish needs, without understanding it's not always about us.
We should take the time to value each person in our lives and get to know who they are
and what they can add to our lives.
We should never fight over another person who they are in our lives. We could just lay it down, and understand we are all good people and we have something to contribute to the world.
If we feel no one is paying attention to us, it may be because we are not participating in the conversation or activity, not because someone else is not paying attention to us.
Often we feel left out, not because others leave us out, but we don't participate, and we try to say in our mind it is them that are ignoring us.
We get jealous because of our own insecurities.
Most of the time when some one is not paying attention to us, maybe there not supposed to be, because the lesson is in this , that we are all worthy and valuable but we think we need others to validate that worth.
We don't need anyone to give us worth but ourselves.
(Wrote this for a class I taught a few weeks ago.)
