Letting Go Of A Significant Other

Often the most devastating thing we can go through is the realization that a relationship has ended. There are many factors why a relationship ends, but maybe perhaps we should have the outlook that relationships end for a reason. What ever that reason may be, the feelings and emotions are valid and true.

We tend to form attachments to those we love. We don't want to let go. We don't want things to end. Some things are meant to be in life, and some things are not meant to be. We often don't know how the story will unfold. We don't know what the future holds. Many relationships end for different reasons. Some survive the break up, and others do not. Some relationships are repairable and others are not.

Letting go is hard to do. The hardest thing for most people to do is Let go. Letting go is not really a bad thing to go through. We just associate it with a negative outcome. This is not always true. Letting go can mean a lot of different things. Depending on the situation the end result is never the same, but something we all must do is learn to let go.

We want to hold onto some one so tight, have control over the situation. We don't want to lose them. The thing that pushes most people away is when we hold on so tight, and not allow them to breathe. If we chase after our significant other they have a tendency to feel smothered, they may think your out of your mind, and stalking them. Other times they just feel trapped, like they can't get out of a cage. Often we think this relationship is the one, and we are not always correct, we insist on holding on as long as we can, because we stay in denial, that its just not the right relationship for us.

It comes down to the fact that you should be able to live with the idea that you can live with or without your partner. The world shouldn't end just because he/she leaves. You should be able to understand that you are whole and complete without them. That love is only found in yourself. We often search for love outside of ourselves, expecting someone else to love us, fill us up, fix us, and make us happy.

Fortunately this other person can not make us happy. Whether they are a part of our lives or not we ought to be able to be satisfied with our lives and happy either way. They can only add to the happiness. We often depend on them, but why are we depending on someone else to make us happy? Why are we expecting someone else to fill our needs? Why are we expecting someone else to take care of us and love us?

We should be able to do this for ourselves. The answers are only hidden within ourselves. If we act needy and depend on someone else, they usually back off, because they can't fix you, or make your life the way you want it to be. You are the only one that has control over what you do with your life and the outcome. It is not their responsibility to take care of you, but your own responsibility to take care of you.

Healthy relationships are balanced. It is good for both partners to be setting boundaries where they are needed, and are able to let go of the other person allowing them to be their true selves. This means we don't have the right to give them advice if they don't ask for it. We don't have the right to try to change them, or make them into the person whom we would like them to be. We can only remain in a relationship for as long as we allow each other to be our true selves. We also can only remain in a relationship when we learn to grow with each other, not interfering in the lessons the other person is learning. We may have already learned those lessons. We may think we have the right answer for them, but the right answer for you, is not always the right answer for someone else.

We often think we know what is right for someone else. We don't! We only know what is right for ourselves. Imposing our ideas and beliefs on them actually slows their growth process, and sets them farther back. If you leave them alone they will learn their lessons well without judgement or prejudice.

In some cases our significant other might decide that they need a break from the relationship. They may be confused, not know what they want, or not sure if they want to stay involved with you. This is there choice, they are doing what is best for them in the moment. You don't have to like it, and of course this hurts very deeply. It really has to do with their own fears, insecurities, and finding out who they are as a person. This doesn't necessarily mean its about you. Of course we are always evolving and changing. We sometimes grow and change faster than others. We out grow each other, and just don't feel we can connect anymore.

Relationships change, people change, and circumstances change. Nothing ever stays the same, so realistically to hold someone down, and to say you can never change is not fair to them. It hinders there growth, and they learn to resent you for keeping them somewhere they don't want to be. The better thing to do would be to agree I will stay with you, as long as we can both grow, and become more together. If we can't do this, than let us accept that as the right answer, move on, and go our separate ways.

Ending a relationship doesn't have to be ugly. There are times when things are just not right, two people understand this, remain friends, and move on. We of course do get attached, our heart strings are involved, we get emotionally upset, we want to hold on forever. It doesn't happen that way all the time.

Letting go, we need to do just that, let go. Normally we need time a part to let go, which means no contact. No letters, no emails, no phone calls, and not seeing each other in person. It is difficult to stop doing these things, but by chasing someone, at first it hardly ever works, pushes them away, and ends up making matters worse for you emotionally.

If you give it a few months and both of you have had time to adjust and heal maybe than you can go on being friends, but you both should go out of the relationship with the understanding that is all it is friendship. Let go of the expectations that things can be repaired. Just put the idea out of your head. Move on! The thing is if you hang on to the idea in your head, you will be pining away for something that could never happen again. You just end up torturing yourself with this idea.

There are relationships that work out eventually, but not till the situation has changed. Usually it isn't till 6months or a year before the relationship is to the point of healing and repairing the situation. The more you try to rush it and hold on the longer it takes. You both have to make changes with in yourself for it to work out. Usually this takes time and space. It doesn't happen over night.

This is why I say let go. Let go because as long as you hold on to it, it will never get better. When you let go, things can change for the better. Even if the relationship doesn't work out, you still have opened yourself up to better things coming your way and leaving the past behind.

Someone out there is looking for a partner. Perhaps by holding on so tightly you are just prolonging the real partner to come into your life that fits you better. It would be a bad thing if you wasted so much time holding on to this person that doesn't really want to be with you, while the one that does, is waiting along the side lines for you to get over your last love.

If it is meant to be your relationship will survive any storm, but you can still let go, and be secure in your understanding that nothing you say or do will change the course of your relationship at this point. Your partner has to come back on their own accord in their own timing. You can not force someone to stay with you, or love you. They have their free will, so the only way they will stay in your life is to allow them to be themselves as well as giving them the choice to stay there or not. By letting go you allow others to make the choice of loving you in a healthy way.