How To Create An Unhappy Woman In Your Life
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As I was reading a lesson out of a book written in the 1800's, what they were saying is very much true today! It was titled, "How To Make a Good Wife Unhappy", whether a man knows how much of an influence he has on a woman's self esteem and happiness, is to be determined. It rang true to me as I looked back over my life. Women are emotional creatures. We only feel close to a man through intimacy. A man is usually concerned with providing for a woman financially, meeting her physical needs. We should appreciate a man for his hard work, and the things he does for us.
I also think he should know how he sets himself up to fail with a woman. She does tend to measure her worth on how she makes him feel, and whether she is meeting his needs. Often men like to withdrawal their emotions, to a woman during these times it feels like he is distant intimately. I thought it was amazing back in the 1800's they had written about this, trying to teach men how their actions affected the women.
I don't think men even pay attention to these things in 2011, they probably don't even think about it. They directed the man if he really wanted an unhappy wife to do the following:
"See her seldom as possible. If she is warm-hearted and cheerful in temper; and if after days or weeks absence, she meet you with a smiling face and in an affectionate manner, be sure to look coldly upon her, and answer her with dry monosyllables. If she forces back her tears, and is resolved to look cheerful, sit down and gape in her presence till she fully convinced of your indifference. Never agree with her opinion, or consult her in any of your affairs, for that would give her an idea of consequence. Never think you have anything to do to make her happy; but that all can do, be sure you do not appear gratified. Never take an interest in any of her pursuits, and if she ask your advice, make her feel that she is troublesome and impertinent. If she attempts to rally you good humoredly on any one of your peculiarities, never join in the laugh, but frown her into silence. If she has faults, (Which, without a doubt, she will have, an perhaps be may be ignorant of,) never attempt with kindness to correct them; but continually obtrude upon her ears, "What a good wife of Mr. Smith has." "How happy friend Smith is with his wife." "That any man would be happy with such a wife." In company never seem to know you have a wife, treat all her remarks with indifference, and be very affable and complaisant to every other lady. If you have married a woman of principle, and will follow these directions, you may be certain of an obedient and a heart-broken wife. " (Newman,1890).
Being in various relationships myself I can remember when I read this, that many times a man treated me like this, and of course I was very unhappy. I was distant from them, never heard out, never listened too, my opinions never counted, my thoughts didn't matter. I was totally ignored, and my presence did not really matter or exist. I was a trophy on a man's arm, I kept my pretty mouth closed, sucked it in, and painted a happy smile across my face.
The only problem is when someone never appreciates who you are, celebrates who you are, or takes your thoughts and opinions in to consideration, it gets very tiring, boring, emotions overflow, and you decide you just want to get out of the picture. I think many times I thought well if you are so happy ignoring me, and it doesn't really matter that I'm here, and this relationship is all about you, why participate and be here at all. So I would walk away, because I was not being honored, loved, or adored. I was not being valued as a women.
Women need to feel important, that they make a difference in a man's life, they like to share life with the man in their lives. They like to be noticed, supported emotionally, encouraged to succeed in the things that they love to do, and enjoy.
Than of course they do a man's laundry, cook for them, clean for them, take care of the children, and work on top of it. When a man doesn't pay attention to anything she does, her heart grows with resentment. She becomes angry, withdrawals, and builds up a wall, thinking you don't love her, or care about her.
If you never praise her for her efforts of being a good woman, than her self esteem wears down, a woman does internalize things very deeply. She identifies herself with how well her home life is going, how the relationship is doing, and how her children grow. It represents who she is, and if its a mess everything else is a mess in her life.
Men really need to pay attention to how they respond to a woman, because just as much as a woman effects a man, a man effects a woman in the same manner. Both partners need to be aware of each other what makes them happy, and sad. Both partners could meet halfway and learn to love each other in better ways. It takes two people to make a relationship happy and healthy.
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Yeah we are all unique creatures. Yes I picked up a few old books at the antique store, and been reading them, it is amazing that we think certain things never occurred in the past, but they did. I think there is a lot of great stuff in the past, that society has just forgotten, and in some ways we can use those lessons from the past, because they still apply today in some ways! Thank you for your response! :)
Society really plays a part here. If it were just up to men and women alone, it may be that the sexes would find a common ground and an understanding of each other more profound than just "women and men- wife and husband, money, vehicle, house, children," but something actually substantial like, men and women, living life upon a living being (the EArth) together as two halves completing one another.
Yes, You're right Woman, only society influences us so much that people follow along, instead of paying attention to their own surroundings, and being aware of their actions and behaviors, half the time people don't pay attention to what they are doing, they get in the habit of living a certain way, than ask why they are having so many problems. We create the problem as a whole, like you said we all need to learn to be those two halves completing one another, but at the same time learning to understand the others point of view. Our society is so much about "Me" instead of "We", what can I get out of it, instead of what I can contribute to it. Thanks for your comment! Appreciate your input! :)
In todays' society people are more selfish than ever in part because of the US financial situation. When we become selfish we focus on no one but us. Nicely done HMM.
Thank you Daffy!:) Nice of your compliment. You are right we are very selfish right now! :( To bad its that way!
Awesome Hub! Actually, it's apparent the man's influence on the self esteem of women, and how sad it is when they are determined to destroy it out of pure selfishness and chauvinism!
Women are unique and magical beings, and perhaps out of envy that they exude beauty that these evil men decide to do this.
I'll read over your hubs! I seem to be a great writer!
Thank you Ancilloti!
This was very interesting hub to read!
Thanks Heusser97 glad you thought so! :)
Seeker7 Level 8 Commenter 13 months ago
Excellent hub. I was fascinated to read that they were discussing these issues so long ago! Amazing. I was of the opinion that nothing a woman did in those times was important to anyone, glad I was wrong. I agree with much of your sentiments in this hub and that couples need to meet half way if a relationship is to succeed. And I think on the whole that some men don't honestly see their behaviour as being hurtful or detrimental to a female. But one guy I dated when I was younger, my main concern was to stop him treating me like his 'mother'. It was a long haul to penetrate his few brain cells, and get him to understand that all women are different, have various interests and so on, and that we don't all like what his mother liked. As much as I was fond of him, it was actually a relief when the relationship ended.