Focusing In On You

Zooming in on you through my eyes,

turning the lens to see all I can,

I fade away into another reality as I focus on the negative reality of you.

I consume my mind with thoughts,

illustrating images of you over and over again in my head.

Photographing my own portraits of who you are now, and who I think

you should be.

Flash backs of conversations,

words rerun over and over again,

rewinding past moments of time that have gone bye.

Never letting go of the thoughts,

deliberately keeping you on my mind.

Analyzing every move,

every thought directed with some motive,

agenda, or need.

Creating a reality with you,

how to relate with you,

to get what I want out of you.

How can I change you into who I want you to be?

Holding on to control and manipulation.

Truly I have no control at all,

nothing I can change,

nothing to gain from you.

The struggle is always holding on to the illusion,

I have any part in what you decide to do.

Struggling for what,

nothing I say, or do has an impact on the outcome.

All I can do is leave you be,

and just be me.

I take my focus off you in my head,

focusing on something that is more constructive,

creating the life I want to live.

Changing only my own beliefs and perceptions,

getting rid of all the fears and illusions in my head.

Only zooming focusing in on my own self portrait.

All rights reserved Hattiemattiemae Spiritweaver July 15, 2011