Emotionally Unavailable People

One question we should always ask ourselves when we are around other people. Are they emotionally unavailable. Most of the time we find ourselves around people that are not open or honest with themselves, alone us. They want to put up barricades to protect themselves from getting hurt. Most of the time they will only be focused on their own interests. They will very seldom pay attention to anything that you are interested in. Sometimes they even just keep walking in and out the door of your life, never really wanting to learn anything about you. They really have nothing to bring to the table, and share with you intellectually, physically, or spiritually. They really don't have anything to say most of the time. They are usually are depressed wrapped up in themselves.

They sometimes show you no physical affection. They may not even have sex with you, hug you, or hold you. Most of this comes as well from the way they have learned to relate from parents watching them relate to one another. If there was no affection or warmth, it is hard for emotionally unavailable people to come out of their shell and show others affection physically. On the other hand emotional needs are never met as well for the same reasons. They don't know how to verbally communicate in a positive way, or express themselves to another person. Most of the time they will sit in their victim mentality feeling sorry for themselves, because nothing ever goes right for them. They don't know how to get out of the trap of depression or looking back at the past. They don't know how to live life. They don't know how to enjoy the little things in life. They don't know how to be a friend, because most of the time, no one has been a very good example to them.

Sometimes they are the misfits in life. Burying themselves in their rooms as teenagers, and isolated from the rest of the world. When they are in social circles they stand off on the sidelines instead of mingling with others. They are always worried what other people will think about them. They want to fit in with others. They will even try to fit in, by being the follower instead of leading in life. They really don't have any self worth. It makes it hard for those that are in friends with them, because even though they are loved, it makes the other person feel neglected when they put so much work and energy into the relationship and never get anything back. There is usually a break down of communication. No one is really saying anything, and needs are never being met in the relationship or friendship. It seems hurtful in a way as we grow attachments to each other in relationships. Most of the time emotionally unavailable people end up being alone, because someone will always walk away, because they do not want to be alone, or feel lonely themselves.

Emotionally unavailable people, usually need some one strong enough to work with them to bring them out of their shell, and teach them how to communicate verbally, emotionally, and physically. This usually takes patience and I mean patience. People take time to heal and change. If you don't have the patience and endurance to work with someone, you might as well not stay, because you are not doing them or yourself any favors if you don't want to work with them, and have a good relationship. Usually it is distressing at times, and very frustrating. You also have to understand that person may never change, whether you invest time in them or not. You really have to understand how to be neutral about it, and understand one way or the other your self worth does not count on the other person. Another person should never define your happiness. They only person that can make you happy is yourself. Most of the time to maintain this in your own self is by keeping busy every day with your own spiritual, and emotional growth keeping yourself strong. Because someone is emotionally unavailable at the moment, doesn't mean they will always be that way. Sometimes you have to gain rapport and trust with another person. Sometimes that could mean for the first month or so, you might not get much of anything.

Usually they are sensitive people, and feel a lot in the world, they just see it from an eccentric point of view. They see things from a deeper level. Usually they are artists, musicians, writers, and choose different formats to express what ever they would like too. Most of the time people go off the deep end thinking these people are crazy, and they are really not crazy, they are just not willing to conform to to the worlds standards of cruelty to humans, animals, or agree with the way humanity treats others. They see the pain and suffering that is caused in so many different perspectives of life. They usually are the ones that want to change the world to make it a better place. Fortunately everyone of them is unique, and different. They have a lot to say to the world, and usually do as they mature in life. I would say they are more emotionally unavailable in their younger teen years, and grow more open as they mature and blossom through the years. Yet, some never do, and stay in their clams, afraid to get in touch with themselves and others.

All rights reserved Hattiemattiemae Spiritweaver November 13, 2011