Loving Someone Through Depression

At some point in your relationship with your partner one or both of you will suffer from depression. At these times we might not understand where are partner is or why they do the things they do. We might not understand why they stop bothering with taking care of daily activities, chores, and don't find the excitement in anything.

Some times they just might lay on the bed and sleep, and some times they just might not want to be around other people. Their world is lonely, and they feel alone. They are in their own little world, and may not let you in. They may hide their feelings, thoughts, and what is going on inside of them.

When you have a partner that is depressed the best thing you can do is let them be where they are in the moment. Let them feel what they feel. Don't try to change them, or lecture them for feeling the way they do. You are just invalidating the way they are feeling and what they are experiencing. This causes resistance and they will push you away further, because they will feel you don't understand.

Loving them unconditionally where they are validates their experience and feelings. We can often try to change them, wish they would make those changes right away, and snap out of their depression, but they can't. They are stuck, and don't know where their life is headed.

Their life doesn't make sense in the moment. They don't feel they have a purpose. They don't feel loved or appreciated. They don't know where they fit in the world. They are trying to figure out how to get unstuck themselves, and when we badger at them to do it faster than they are able to, it just makes them feel worse because they can not snap out of it like you want them too. If they could they would. It's not a magical moment that you decide you will be happy, and care free.

Some times we mix up grief with depression. Depending on the situation if their is a loss of some kind like death of someone that was important to them, or loss of their home, or job, or friends, or anything that was major life changing, they need time to grieve, and do it in their own way.

There are many factors that can cause depression. It can be something from their past, emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual abuse. If they've never face these issues, it tends to build up to the point that it piles up so high and become overwhelming.

The best thing you can do is show your partner love. Accept them for who they are in the moment. Love them anyway. Hold them, hug them, kiss them, hold their hand. Make them feel important. Bring some flowers in the house, open the shades and let the sunlight in.

Take them to a movie, or out to dinner, or something that will cheer them up. What are they usually interested in? Bring them home a journal to write out their feelings, a paint set, some kind of medium or craft of art they can work on. Cook them dinner, or find positive ways to express their love to them. Listen to them when they say something, but don't give them advice or try to fix them. Just hear them out and be there sounding board. Some times they just need to write, or speak to sort out their thoughts or feelings.

Buy them a inspiring book, or something with positive quotes in it to lift their spirits. Find the positive in a negative situation. Take them shopping to buy something new to wear, or get a hair cut. Help them feel better about themselves.

They may be resistant towards it at first, but if you keep loving them unconditionally, they will soon come out of their shell, and open up more. If they learn to trust you, and know you won't judge them they will listen more to your ideas and advice about getting help than shoving it down their throat. They usually know what they are neglecting, and they usually know they aren't being responsible. They just don't have the energy in the moment to do it.

Take them for walks in the park, or bicycle rides, or some other activity they can move. The more they move they better they will feel, and the more they will recover, and start doing things again.

Play board games with them, cards, or video games. Interact with them even if they don't say anything. Keep talking to them. Of course this takes time and patience.

If you participate with them, and give them support they eventually feel you really care about them. The more patience you have with them, the more they feel supported. Some times they can not snap out of depression for over a year.

Try to get them to eat healthy foods like fruits, vegetables, white meats, and vitamins.

Play some music for them that is up beat, or relaxing.

Ask them what they like, and what their interests are? Take them shopping or go the library and investigate these things with them. Share ideas and opinions about the subject matter.

If you try to bring the positive in their world, than they are not so much focused on the negative, and start looking at the world differently.

All they need is love, and someone to believe in them and challenge them to discover a new world.

All rights reserved Mar. 20, 2011 Hattiemattiemae Spiritweaver