Can Men and Women Be Just Friends

Growing up with most of my friends that were men, I would say yes men and women can be friends. Maybe it was, I was just a Tom Boy at heart, or it was just part of the grand plan in creating who I am today, I have enjoyed my men friends tremendously. They have given me great courage, strength, and taught me to face my fears and be brave in any situation.

I think though when you are younger it is more of simpler scenario, because of course as I grew older we had to divide and go our separate ways because we all were getting married. When your married it is not that simple, because of course your partner should always be number one in your life. I understand this about my men friends and I respect their wives and relationships.

I understand when we were younger it was easier because we didn't have responisibility of being accountable to our wives or husbands. I do have men friends in a relationship, but that is where the fine line comes in, whether they are trustworthy friends, and if they are friends that I have had for a life time. I am always open and honest with them about my relationship with my boyfriend and I will not put myself in a situation if I can help it alone with them, where I would fall into problems emotionally, and spiritually.

Often I have run into the problem of finding men online that don't understand I just want to be friends and looking for nothing more or less. I enjoy talking to everyone and learning from them. Both men and women. I understand that their are just men and women out their that don't respect your relationships, and those are the ones you have to walk away from. It's obvious if you have a wife or husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend you should introduce them to your friends. My boyfriend has a friend in the UK that is like his sister, and I have never been jealous of her, and understand that she is important part of his life, and I believe she respects our relationship and is married herself.

Growing up with men, I understood the many girlfriends that were jealous of me for being friends with their boyfriends. Fortunately at times this would cause arguments between the girlfriend and me, and putting my friends in the middle. I would often go out of my way to get along with them, but I didn't understand back than it wasn't my problem, and usually an insecurity issue within them.

If you have a strong foundation in your relationship, and trust each other you would not have to feel threatened or jealous of another woman or man. You would understand that there is a reason that your husband or wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend chose you. We should never compare ourselves with someone else, or feel threatened by them. We were all uniquely created individually, and there is no one like you personally on this entire earth.

I had also grown up watching Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith perform together and witnessed many times in person there friendship. They were an example to me that men and women can be friends without sex, or agenda's of their own. They created beautiful music together and brought their talents together to accomplish something magnificent and what the audience loves to hear.

I think you do have to set boundaries, and know what the expectations are in a friendship with the opposite sex. It is very easy to say you want to be a friend with the opposite sex. But let me ask you what is your motive for wanting to have the friendship? If it is to break a part the relationship and your own agenda to be with the man or woman, than you need to back away. It is a selfish reason to desire that friendship, and can cause a lot of harm to the relationship and partners involved in that relationship. You are creating emotional, spiritual, harm by interfering with their lives as well as yourself waiting for them to split, and run off with you.

In my case I wouldn't choose anyone than the person I have, for my own reasons, but no one will change that choice, or my mind. I know exactly what I want, what I need, and what is best for me in a relationship. Not everyone is equipped to fulfill those needs in my life, or make proper choices and decisions in my life if I became ill, sick, or in the obstacles that come and go in my life. I understand that when we are in relationships we choose those that are good for us, and healthy for us to be around. If you are tempting someone that just shows right there that you are not responsible to be in a relationship.

Relationships are not a game, and no matter what you feel or think about the partner some one chooses, or feel that you can do a better job, doesn't mean that you can. I also read a book once called, "When God Writes My Love Story" by Leslie Ludy. I understood from that one, and Joshua Harris's book, "I kissed Dating Goodbye", that God has a better plan when we allow him to choose the partner for our lives instead of ourselves.

I understood after my divorce, and many bad relationships, that it was time I had put this part of my life in his hands. God did write our life story, and it has been a very beautiful one, and although there is wide ocean between us, God has used this in a good way, because sex can not get in the way, of building a strong foundation of friendship, and love the way it was meant to be. Having the time to focus on that, instead of falling into the every day romantic love you would with a partner in your home town you understand the difference is huge. We often confuse romantic love and physical sex with God's unconditional love, and wish people did take Joshua Harris's book and ideas seriously, because he knew what he was talking about.

As I met him one day, in Holland, Michigan I thanked him personally for what a difference his work and book made in my life. It was a brief few minutes, and of course he would agree that men and women can't be friends. I can agree with some of his ideas on this, but at the same time of what I've experienced, I can say it does happen if you have trustworthy friends, and not friends that are out to cross boundaries and make a mess of your lives.

Even as if I have had men friends in my later years, I never allow a man in my home without someone else present, and even when I was married, I followed this procedure. I don't enter cars with men that I just meet, or have been friends with for a short a time. I protect my relationship. I don't go to men's houses, or meet them alone in romantic settings. Online I have talked alone of course, but I also know online I can take them off my friends list, or mute them, or turn the PC off if they are crossing my boundaries and relationship.

I think you really have to dicern whether the men or women in your life as friends are healthy for you, your relationship, and if they choose to violate your relationship, it's time to let them go. Your partner should be of course your main priority over any friend!

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